Facts You need to know to protect Yourself
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DISCLAIMER: Growing Awareness Pty Ltd as publishers of this web-site and John Bligh Nutting as author do not dispense or recommend medical or psychiatric advice, nor prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for any diagnosable medical or psychiatric condition. Any such action should only be taken by you as your personal choice and either directly or indirectly on the advice of a physician or a qualified therapist.
Narcissistic type Behaviour Patterns
NBP Players and NBP Games
Free Book - details below
Narcissistic Type Patterns - NBP Players
A checklist of typical Narcissistic type games
If someone you know is displaying just one or two of those patterns (there are more than 50 listed on this website) it will help you understand and deal with the stress those games are causing you. If someone you know is doing five or six or more of the items on the checklist then you’ll need to do a bit more work to protect yourself but it still doesn’t mean they are being a narcissist. It’s just what they are doing to you at that time, the games they are playing. Learning to protect yourself is a step-by-step skill and you can succeed. You can’t protect yourself from who they are, but you can protect yourself from what they are trying to do to you.
Look at the lists:
It’s all in your free book
“Understanding Narcissistic Behaviour
Patterns and NBP Games”
Would you like a book with far more information than here on this website? With checklists you can use to gain a better understanding of what NBP players are doing to you? A total of 60 pages. Please e-mail me and ask for your free copy of my new book “Introduction to NBP Player - Narcissistic Behaviour Patterns” and I’ll e-mail it to you as a pdf file ready for you to print. It really is free, there are no conditions, no catches and you don’t have to buy anything or show anyone a credit card. I won’t keep your e-mail address because I don’t even have a “mailing list”. I Promise. I am just not into marketing or pushy selling.
Why is it free?
Because. in my lifetime (I turn 80 this year) I have had many experiences as the target for NBP game players. If only there had been someone who could have told me back in my youth about NBP I could have learned to identify those games and kept them out of my life!
That’s what this website and the free book is about, so you can see the patterns and set yourself free from the confusion, the drama, the pain, that NBP Players with their tricks and traps and power games keep creating around us…… until we know what they are doing and why they do it!.
is the address
I have other free books so please mention “NBP Player” in your e-mail otherwise you may get a different book.
Why do some people use child-like games and follow child-like patterns to deal with their issues?
NBP players use child-like games and patterns to deal with their own inner fears
NBP players seldom reach true grown up emotional maturity. That’s very sad for them and very bad for you. Behind their power plays and disempowering games you can see a kid or at most a youngish teenager, but a very clever one, trying to cope with life, using kids’ strategies and child-like approaches to life’s problems. Examples:
1. If criticised, corrected, told they made a mistake NBP players respond, not just with anger but with more dramatic opera-level histrionics (remarkably like a kid’s tantrum!) They are never wrong.
2. Exquisitely sensitive reactions to imagined hurts or insults. They want you and the world to see them as a poor little innocent victim. (It’s only a kid’s mask to hide what they are really doing) Message: To misunderstand, misjudge or even ignore a poor helpless kid is a terrible thing to do. Feel guilty.
3. Each time NBPs reduce someone’s power they believe that makes them more powerful (so similar to a playground bully)
4. If they are hurting that gives them the right to hurt or punish others! (a child’s game of victim-martyr-avenger)
5. I want what I want, and I want it NOW! (impatient kid) whether it fits in with your plans or not.
6. I promise from now on I’ll .. never tell another lie ./.. be sensible / stop doing it ..…/ ..be faithful .. etc etc (….whatever it is you really, really want them to promise). (...they’re not lying deliberately. Like a kid they really mean to stick to those promises, but they lack a grown up’s ability to hold to a promise for very long)
7. Fibbing if they believe they can get away with it (a kid’s way of avoiding trouble)
8. I’m hurting or I’m unhappy or both and that’s your fault. (a kid’s strategy, first seeking attention and sympathy but if that doesn’t get results, adding blame. It’s all a kid’s lead up before putting pressure on you for something they want)
9. If someone else has power NBP players feel entitled as a right to take it from them (the way a child takes or breaks other kid’s toys). In this case trying to undermine, unbalance or disempower power levels in people close to them.
10. A child-like need to attach themselves to people with any kind of power, but once engaged starting to take some of that power (or a lot if they can) by any means, fair or unfair. (like a kid in a candy or sweet shop)
11. Rude Little rebel games (enjoying being a naughty kid)
12. Sulking (won’t talk, won’t smile, no matter what you try, I’m not going to be a happy kid)
13. Teasing, baiting, name calling, insulting belittling
This website is aimed at helping you protect yourself from all this (because nobody else can do it for you) by making you aware of what is going on underneath the NBP player’s pretend grown up masks.
Accept the reality. Not much use expecting an emotionally immature kid to act like a grown up just because they, or their calendar claims they are an adult.
Protect yourself from NBP Players and their NBP games
NBP players are not narcissists but a long time ago they learned from narcissists how to play powerful control games, judging, criticising, blaming, fault finding, undermining, punishing or just unbalancing people around them, particularly family members. Many are also self-medicating on drama induced adrenalin. Typical NBP games are intended to rob other people of their personal power, their dignity and self worth.
There are over 50 common NBP player games and behaviour patterns. If you can identify just one game you can immediately get to work protecting yourself from it.
It’s also great to discover it wasn’t your fault at all!
Engaging - it’s a trick
NBP players have a hundred tricks to keep you coming back and playing another game and then another. That’s “engaging” and they're very skilled at it.
Is the essential strategy for getting out and staying out of a NBP driven games or an NBP based relationship. It’s explained on this website. But to disengage you first need to understand what you are really dealing with.
To keep your approach on a positive note, please read my warning about the risks of labelling someone as “narcissistic” or suggesting they might be suffering from a Narcissistic personality disorder. That won’t help you and this site isn’t about them anyway as I explain Go to this link:
More Pages on this website and in your free book:
Quote from the late Robin Skynner a pioneer in the field of family therapy and author of “Families And How To Survive Them“ (1983) co-written with John Cleese ….
“If people are unable to control their own emotions, then they have to start trying to control other people’s behaviour.”
Websites in our Growing Awareness and Flying Awareness Series -
|Checklist for NBP|
|No power over NBP|
|Avoid labelling with NBP|
|Your PowerOver NBP|
|Games NBP Play|
|NBP Case Studies|
|How NBP is created|
|Anti labelling Kit|
|More notes on NBP|
|Don't Give Your power Away|
|Question old rules|
|Sorces of Power|
|Self Defeating RSDP|
|DTD Developmental Trauma Disorder|
|Is it Safe for me to Change|
|Personal or Impersonal|
|The Path and the Holes|
|More About John Nutting|